A long long time in the very near fuiture, there was a person who ate a cornucopia of dried pinto beans because he thought they had a good texture in them when cooked in a radioactive liquid that he found in his lover's backyard. Little did he know, this radioactive liquid was no ordinary radioactive liquid, but one created in a very bad place, and dropped down to earth from the skies. He soon realized this bad place was actually just heaven so they went to the bad place to talk with God. "why are you such a meanie god?", he said, "you gave me radiocative liquid!"God replied, "you are an idiot that radioactive crap gives you super ultra crazy phenomenon powers!" "what the crap are phenomenon powers?" asked the person. "They are powers you get phenomenonicly..." answered God. "But... thats not even a word!" replied the person. "DO NOT QUESTION ME!!!!" bellowed God, while the earth crumbled in fear and because of the very loud nature of his voice.
Being satisfied, and partially deaf, from this answer, the person left heaven, which he decited wasn't that bad of a palce after all, and returned home. He decited that he abhored his home though, and so he put it in a ziplock baggie, and threw it in the ocean, following it in a small raft. Where he ended up was very strange indeed, being mainly that he ended up in a city quite far from the ocean, the city of Canada. He realized that since he landed on that city, God lead him there in order to use his power for good... so he tore the whole country down, supposing that Canada was a plague upon the earth. "Any country with free medicare, clean air, and ice hockey as its biggest sport, must be the work of Satan.", he thought.
Believing that he had done some good work, especially in the name of God, he toughtfully patted his back. However, his shortlived celebration was ended by finally recognising that Canada is not a city. he became very angered at this, noticing that he was in Quebec , which is not a city either, but a province... finally figuring out he was in the city of canadia, Canada (somewhere in quebec), he was very happy. his happiness was acompanied by much joy. He ordered a feast, but there was nowhere for it to be heald because he had torn down everything in canada but for the animals... even the trees, the majestic redwood forests, were instantly flattened by his rage at the satan worshipers we call "Canadians". but back the the feast, he called a feast that was to be heald on the backs of moose, the plural one because there are moose, and there is a moose are singular and plural... but they would use the backs of the moose as a large table, and everyone in the land rejoyced at the new use for moose.
Three hundred and seventy-three years later, the person still ruled over canada with an iron fist. he was once quoted saying, "yes, i did get my fist replaced with an iron fist, but that was because i broke my hand sentencing so many people to their dooms." He was very old at this time though, and the children of the time made up songs about him being old. one of them went somewhat like this:

haha hes old.
what an idiot.
why dont we even know his name?
isnt he suposed to be our ruler.
haha hes old.

and this continues for many more verses, although those verses are unknown to us because no one has ever gotten past what we wrote before being shot.
One day, god was looking down ad Canada and said "hey... wait, didn't there used to be trees there?" to which the archangel, Gabriel, replied, "yep." This displeased god very much, he had sent the person down to canada to make it a refuge for the opressed indian tribes of south central asia (yes there are indian tribes in south central asia!) so god began to plan his wrath...
When god was done planning, and he finally sent his wrath upon earth, not being able to flood it again, his only choice was to